Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
