Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
