Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
