there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
