I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Rumble strips road head = magical
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
