best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
