I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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