I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
