I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
