she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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