Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
