you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
