it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
