You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
