i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
