were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She announced her abortion via fbk
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
