i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
