Betty ford says i'm here all night
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
