the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
