I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
