next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
