You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
