I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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