onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
