so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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