come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
