My sheets look like a crime scene.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
