Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
