This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He kissed a someone with a penis
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
