if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
