Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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