david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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