Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My dick has a subreddit
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
