I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
