don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
