just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
