i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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