Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
