he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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