I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
