That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
