Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
