It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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