I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
