can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
