I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize