Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am mentally ready for anal.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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