Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
