Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
