The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
