I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
