He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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