What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
nutella sex= disaster
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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