I love black thongs
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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